A wise woman once said to me, “love yourself first, do no care what others think of you and as long as what you are doing does no harm to others – keep on doing it.” To me, no truer words have ever been spoken. As a society, we often forget how to simply “be”. We get lost and wrapped up in all of the negativity that is constantly going around on social media, and we often prefer to complain rather than speak of positive things in our lives. So how do we go back to being real “people”?
It’s hard to not care about what other’s think of us. I think that might be one of the hardest lessons in life to learn. How do you tell someone to do whatever it is they want and to not let the opinions of their peers or strangers affect them? You can try, and say just that, but in reality – is that really going to change their mind? Probably not. You see, you can’t just tell someone to not bother with the thoughts, opinions and judging of others without first giving them a lesson on self love. But how do you teach self love?
Learning to love myself has proven to be one of the most difficult things I have ever done, and I still struggle with it. Having a loving family and an incredible boyfriend does help immensely because of their compliments and encouraging words, but it is still hard to wrap my head around the fact that, I don’t need to please everyone around me. I know that pleasing the people around me feels like it’s the right thing to do, but I have noticed that trying to accomplish that task only makes me feel worse – because you can’t please everyone. You could spend your life trying to, but the only thing that would bring you is disappointment and sadness due to the realization that you couldn’t actually do it.
For years, I have watched my sweet grandmother (a bartender believe it or not), try to please every single person that walked into her place of work and every single co-worker she’s had. I’m not sure if she notices it, but I certainly notice that she’s miserable trying to do so. She always feels obligated to do things for other people, and bless her kind soul but she really doesn’t have to and nor should she feel the need to do so. I wish that I could get it through her head that she doesn’t need to please everyone, but no matter how hard my family and I try, we can’t.
It seems so logical and so simple but it is so confusing to think that we need to take care of ourselves before we take care of others. I know speaking for myself, I love to help other people and I am also a people pleaser – it must run in the genes ;), so trying to put myself first seems odd and rather difficult. When the realization came upon me a couple months ago it was really hard to wrap my head around it. I was working somewhere, and I noticed that I was unhappy and that I felt a little disrespected, from there I decided that in order to make myself happy, I needed to leave. I needed a change of pace or to go back to common grounds. Which is what I ended up doing and thank God I did! I’m back in a happier a place and now that I can say I have put myself first, I can now try my best to put others in front of me.
I know that you are probably thinking, “This seems like very selfish advice, Corina”, but trust me on this one. If you can take care of yourself and your needs then you are ready to cater to others. But if you are struggling in some aspect of your life where you can’t quite answer to all of your own needs, then you are not ready to cater to others – and that’s OK. I mean think about it, would you want a sick doctor trying to take care of you? No probably not. You would want someone who could take care of his or herself who could also take care of you.
It’s important to “look to,within and beyond” in order to find the root of all problems. STOP BLAMING OTHERS. I know we can all be guilty of this sometimes because it is always easier to blame others for everything we can. There will always be good karma and bad karma and if something bad happens it probably happened for a reason. For example, if i am waiting tables and don’t get a tip, I take the time to think and look back on what I did. I don’t criticize myself but I do see if there are any changes I can do to help improve myself for my next table. It’s so important to give yourself constructive criticism because you are your biggest critic and you should always also be your biggest cheerleader.
If you can love yourself then you can love others. If what you’re doing isn’t causing any harm to others, then KEEP ON DOING IT. So don’t be ashamed and don’t be shy! Love yourself, even more than you love others and your life will start to look up! Trust me on this one 🙂